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07-Sep-2017 19:04

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And at twelve years old, pretty much my whole life was in the future.* * * In preparation for my father’s funeral, I asked my mother to take me to buy some black clothing.They're the celebrity chef/nutritionist 'mermaid' power couple who opt to spend their free time at their farm.So when My Kitchen Rules Pete Evans got the urge to take his wife Nicola on a luxurious, all-expenses-paid vacation, she wasn't going to give up without a fight.And for when I went back to school that fall and felt like I was being talked down to by teachers who didn’t know nearly as much as my brilliant father, and he wasn’t there to validate my superiority complex.He started a letter to me during his four-hour bus ride home after our goodbye at the diner.Those two happy days had healed the wound of my parents’ split just enough for this departure to rip it back open.

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The idea of survivor’s guilt isn’t just about feeling unjustly lucky to have lived while someone else died; it’s guilt for going on without them, guilt for changing and growing and becoming a person that they never knew.I made friends with the homeless people in the park because their level of motivation and engagement in society matched mine more closely than anyone else I could find.My mother occasionally tried expressing to me that I should cut her a break because she now had to be both my mother and my father.When I heard that my father had died, I collapsed in tears on the living room floor.

I wasn’t crying because he wasn’t there right then.When I thought about the part of a typical wedding reception where the groom dances with his mother and the bride dances with her father, I seriously considered not having a reception at all.

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